


Don't You Understand What You've Done?

by AxJ



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, TW: mild self-harm, spoilers for 5x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 18:09:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21480649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AxJ/pseuds/AxJ
Summary: After Lena steals Myriad, Kara reflects on everything she's said after Lena leaves.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 7
Kudos: 215





	Don't You Understand What You've Done?

**Author's Note:**

> This episode broke me. Katie's acting...beautiful. This idea would not leave me alone, so I hope you enjoy!

Kara doesn’t know how long she sits in the Fortress. Hours. Days, maybe. The sting of Kryptonite under her skin, the biting cold of the ice surrounding her. She can’t bring herself to care about any of that. 

_ I’m using you. Like you used me. _

She sinks to her knees and buries her face in her hands. The pain in her chest is like a black hole, pulling and sucking at her soul until she’s sobbing, sobbing, sobbing. The tears are hot and start to crystalize on her face from the cold of the arctic. 

I killed my brother for you, for our friends! Don’t you understand what you’ve done?

_ Don’t you understand what you’ve done? _

Kara did understand. Lena, her kind, loving Lena, had killed the one person in this world that she loved more than anyone. For her. To keep her safe. Kara had been so busy keeping Lena safe that she never stopped to consider what Lena would do for her in return. 

_ Don’t you understand what you’ve done? _

Kara had hurt Lena in ways that she couldn’t even begin to understand. Every word out of Lena’s mouth had been absolutely true. Lena had practically begged her to be honest, to not to betray her, and Kara had told her it would never happen. 

The pain of the Kryptonite was a welcome distraction from the pain in her chest. It wasn’t enough to be excruciating or strip her of her powers, but it was enough to cause every breath to be a knife in her lungs and every movement feel like she was wading through wet sand. The sides of the ice cage pressed into her back and knees, and Kara could feel herself start to panic at the enclosed space. She blinks, and for a heartbeat she’s in her pod, flying, flying, flying through space, Krypton and her family in pieces behind her. 

_ Don’t you understand what you’ve done? _

Kara knows she can break out. Her strength is still here, although it would take longer than usual. She knows exactly where the guns will aim for her. Deflecting and dodging would be as easy as breathing. But a small—yet growing—voice tells her she deserves this. She deserves to feel even a tiny bit of the pain that she caused Lena. And learning that Lena has been pretending these last few weeks hurts. But nothing hurts more than knowing that Lena has Myriad and may be betraying even herself at this very moment. 

_ There wasn’t a single honest moment in our friendship. _

Every moment that Kara tells her that she’s a good person, that she’s kind. Lena doesn’t believe any of it was true. That Kara would always be there for her to protect her; would always be her best friend. 

Kara can feel her heart cry out, _ “No, no, it’s true, it’s true. I’ve never been so honest about anything in my life.” _

The pain in her chest crests, and suddenly Kara’s screaming, screaming until her throat is raw, screaming until the ice around her shatters apart, screaming until her voice is gone and there’s nothing but a rasping whisper coming out of her mouth. The Fortress is like a sentinel around her, watching, protecting, but unable to help her. Kara shuts her eyes against the flow of tears, expecting to feel a kryptonite beam to hit her any moment. It doesn’t come. 

_ Don’t you understand what you’ve done? _

This is Kara’s Achilles heel: carrying the burden of guilt for an entire race. Carrying the shame of her mother imprisoning thousands of criminals in a death camp. The guilt of her father for ignoring the signs of a dying planet, for creating Myriad. The disgrace of Astra and Non unleashing Myriad on the planet. 

The unbearable anguish of breaking Lena Luthor’s heart. 

It’s all her fault. And she doesn’t know how to fix it. She should call Alex and tell her to stop Lena before she gets too far with Myriad. But perhaps Kara deserves to fail, and Lena to win. Even after everything, Kara trust Lena. Lena won’t kill anyone. She’s not her brother. It’s time that Kara start showing her that trust. 

_ I’m not a villain. You shouldn’t have treated me like one. _

She’s right again. She should’ve told Lena from the beginning. If Kara’s being honest, she doesn’t have any explanation as to why she didn’t tell her. She knows Lena would never betray her. She had every opportunity to hurt her, to tell the world, to hurt Alex, Kelly, Nia, Brainy. But she didn’t because Lena is a good person. And Kara was wrong to treat her like she was anything but. 

Kara’s knees ache from kneeling on the ice for so long. Her eyes burn from staring at the white floor. Still she doesn’t move, because the pain of it is better than the pain in her chest. She doesn’t know how she’ll face Lena again. But she has too. She had to make Lena understand how much she was sorry and how much Kara truly believes that she’s a good person. 

But for now, she just sits in the Fortress, and cries.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr at oops-supercorptrash!


End file.
